GROWING UP BROOKLYN

Chapter 1

Angie DePorto looked up into the ceiling: “GINO! GET UP ALREADY! IT”S 7:15! YOU’LL BE LATE FOR WORK!”

Gino, yelling back from an upstairs bedroom - “I’M UP!”

“You said that 15 minutes ago! I don’t hear nuthin movin round.”

Angie sat her ample bottom at the edge of an old unmatched wooden chair and looked at Frank DePorto, her husband for 40 years across from her at the kitchen table. Wiping a loose strand of hair from her brow she addressed her husband.

“And you Mr. Suave, you got any energy left or is something propping you up?”

Frank in his t-shirt just looked at Angie and penciled an entry into the New York Post race pages, took a puff on his cigarette, pretending he didn’t hear his wife Angie, sipping coffee from his mug.

“You know Frank, the kids are getting older now, soon they’ll be movin’ out and we‘ll be stuck with dis big old house in da middle of Brooklyn, ya know what I mean, let’s sell.”

Frank, his hands together in a prayer like gesturing responds: “Sell? Sell what? Movin out! WHO’s movin out? They ain’t goin NOWHERE I tell you for Christ sake! Gino is unmarried and 40 years old; works for an auto repair shop and Rosa is too immature a 38 year old beautician to marry ANYBODY that ain’t no freak!”

“Well maybe Frank, if you didn’t scare the crap atta every boy she brings home, she’d be married by now. GINO! GET UP ALREADY YOU’RE GONNA BE LATE! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TA CALL YA? You know, I’ve been thinking Frank, we can’t be fooling with an old house anymore, ya know what I mean, ya barely got enough energy to lie down, let alone get up, and the place needs new windows, a paint job, and the plumbing sounds like I don’t know what anymore! ”

“You know what your problem is? Do you KNOW what your problem is? I’ll tell you WHAT your problem is Ang: your problem is you’re too busy telling me what the problem is, DAT’S YOUR PROBLEM!”

Angie pointing at Frank: “No Frank, my problem is YOU! I have a husband who’s been DEAD FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS OR SO AND FORGOT TO LIE DOWN! THAT’S my problem!”

“AAHH!” Waving his arms in disgust at Angie.

Angie filling a mug with coffee, wiping her forehead while looking up to the ceiling once more about to yell when suddenly Gino appeared in the kitchen.

“OH! Well! And what do we owe this great honor of your presence to? It’s about time! Hurry up and eat some cereal, you’ll be late for work, how does your boss tolerate you anyway?”

“Aw Ma, Augie and me are like this.” Crossing his fingers.

Frank: his glasses at the end of his nose- “Yea sure, and who’s on the bottom? When I wuz your age, I wuz early everyday, they use ta give me the key ta open up the joint fur Christ’s sake!”

Angie: “Don’t listen to him and eat your breakfast, and don’t forget to take your lunch, I made you nice peppers and eggs!’

Gino: “Hey Pop, can ya lend me a few bucks til tomorrow night? I’ll pay ya back, I got a date tonite and she’s a heavy.”

Frank: “Whad is she a dietician’s nightmare and what do I look like here, the Chaste Bank or sumptin? Besides, who goes out on a date on a Thursday night? She married or sumptin?”

“No, she’s Augie’s younger sister’s friend! She ain’t married.”

“Then ask Augie for the money, maybe he’ll think he needs to pay you more so he can keep his dating service goin.”

Angie: “FRANK! Don’t be such a pain in the ass, give the kid some money.”

Frank- reaching into his back pocket for his wallet: “OK, but I want it back tomorrow when you get paid. Have it ready to hand over when you walk through the front door! I wanna see the money before I see your ugly mug!”

Gino: “Sure Pop, you know me.”

Frank: “Yea, sure I know you, like I said: have it ready when you walk through that front door!”

Angie: “Gino, hurry up or you’ll be late.”

‘The ‘HAIR TODAY BEAUTY SALON’ was quiet for a Thursday morning, as Rosa DePorto stood with a hair-brush in her hand next to her fellow hairdresser and the owner of the shop: Tina Maloccio.

Tina: “My brother Augie? He tells me his friend is real cute, said I should introduce one of my friends to him, so I told him about you and he said sure, let’s get ‘em together, ya know? I figured, hey, what do ya got to lose?” Augie don’t recommend nobody unless he thinks he’s nice.

Rosa: “Year, well, I got a new pair of shoes for tanight, and where am I gonna meet him? Did ya brother tell you where?”

Tina: “Yeah, at the entrance to the park, at 7:30 sharp: don’t be late, ya hear?”

Rosa: “Yup, 7:30 sharp. I hope he’s cute!”

Tina: “Well if he isn’t, you can take THAT up with Augie!” He just started workin’ with my brother, a real hustler.  

Rosa; ‘ewww, maybe I should wear armor!” Hahaha! Just then a customer walks in, Francine Spiegel, a secretary for the law firm of Horowitz and Blitzstein. Rosa directs the customer to a chair and asks what she needs.

Francine: “Just a cut, not too much.”

Rosa: “You work around here?”

Francine: “Yeah, across from the park, I’m a secretary for a law firm.”

Rosa: “Oh, you must meet a lot of interesting people! I see that you’re not married, ever date a lawyer? Must be one or two running around, no?”

Francine: “Naw, jus two old guys that deal in business law, kind of boring, I gave up looking for Mr. Right, the last guy stood me up. We dated, it got hot and heavy if ya know what I mean. Promised he’d call me after our little get together-IF you know what I mean. Haven’t heard from the bum since. If I ever get my hands on him he won’t be daten nobody nomore, if you know what I mean.”

Rosa: “Well I got a blind date tonight, Tina’s brother fixed me up with him, supposed to be cute, that goes with-nice personality.” (Holding up two fingers on each hand in quotes.)

Francine: “Well don’t go maken the same mistake I did, make him call a few times first!”

‘RIGHT ON AUTO BODY’ was a noisy place. Augie Maloccio ran a decent profit from the business, inheriting it from his father-in-law about five years ago, when the original owner couldn’t repay a loan to Augie’s father-in-law.

Augie, sitting down at an old metal desk, his feet propped up and a plastic container of coffee in his greased stained hands looked at Gino DePorto and asked:

“So, ya ready for ya blind date tonight, fella?”

Gino: Yeah Augie, pretty ready. Have you ever seen her before?”

“Oh, sure, sure all the time, she’s my sister’s friend, nice personality!”

Gino: “What’s her name?

Augie: “Geez, I forgot, my sister told me it, but I can’t remember, maybe Rosemary or sumptin like dat. Now don’t forget, Gino, I set it up for ya to meet her at the entrance of the park at 7:30 sharp. Don’t go standing her up now! Told my sista all about chew, an told her you’d be driving a gray Honda Civic.”

Gino: “Nah, I won’t forget.”

Augie: “OK, let’s get to work den.”

Gino goes out to the front yard to inspect a new tow when he looks down the street and sees Mama walking at a quick pace with a bundle in her hand towards the shop.

Gino thinks: “Oh geez, what’s she doin’ coming here!”

Angie, reaching the towed car with Gino leaning over the hood stops to hand him a brown paper bag with a big oil stain across the bottom of it.

Gino: “Ma, whata ya doin’ here?”

Angie: “Gino, What’s the matter with chew, you forgot your lunch, (smacking him behind his head) I made peppers and eggs for ya! I walked all the way down here!”

Gino: “Aw Ma, ya didn’t need to do dat, I couldda had some cake or donuts or sumptin!”

Angie: “Ah” thrusting the sandwich bag into Gino’s chest, she says:

“Sure, dat’s gonna get ya trew da day, right?

So, ya gonna introduce your mother to Mr. Augie?

Here’s some money for tonight, I’m sure your cheap father means well, but like I said, your cheap father.”

Gino: “Gee, thanks Ma, (taking the money and sandwich bag) Augie is kinda busy right now, maybe another time, OK Ma?”

“Shore, have him come over fer dinner, we’ll treat him nice. I’ll see ya tonight, Gino.”

“Ma, don’t wait up, just go to bed.”

“Since when does someone tell his Mother when to go to bed in her own house?”

The last customer sat under the dryer, as all the day’s customers were now gone from HAIR TODAY BEAUTY SALON. Rosa DePorto stood outside the front window throwing an eye on the customer and smoking a cigarette.  She could clearly see herself in the reflection of the glass, her black curly hair down past her ears, and her figure thin and lean for her age so she thought. Rosa hadn’t been on a date in a few months, when she dated Vic Salomone, ‘freaky Vic’ as she called him, with his wandering hands and not understanding ‘No’! Checking her watch, it was 6:30 P.M. and the sun was setting slowly on the horizon, behind the El, casting long shadows across the street. The occasional rattle of the overhead train went by and Rosie decided to go in and check on her customer and close up for the evening. Tina Maloccio had left earlier to pick up her son from school when the school called her to tell her Vincent had vomited on his teacher’s shoes.

Rosa: “How ya doin Mrs. Skinner, ya dry yet?” running her hands over the dryer and shutting it off. “Big date tonight? I got one, so we gotta get you outta dis chair.” I’ll comb ya out and we can square away. How’s Mr. Skinner doin?”

Mrs. Skinner: “Dead.”

“Ha, I know what ya mean, Pop hasn’t really moved in a while either.”

Mrs. Skinner: “No, I mean he died! The son of a bitch dropped dead visiting his little girlfriend. Dropped dead of a heart attack, on her toilet!” Couldn’t even do that right, the BASTARD!”

“Oh Mrs. Skinner, I so sorry!”

Mrs. Skinner: “Sorry for what? The bum deserved to die cheating on me like dat! Let me tell ya dearie, it ain’t worth the trouble, ya give dem the best years of ya life: stretch marks and all and dat’s how dey repay ya! With some young floozie!”

“Do the kids know?”

“Sure, dey saw him in the box laid out!’

“No, about the affair?”

“Well I wuz gonna tell em, but dey wuz cryin so much I couldn’t break dere hearts any more. But some day I gonna tell em what a weasel dere farther wuz. I told the undertaker to plant him upside down, the BASTARD!”

Rosa finished combing out Mrs. Skinner’s hair, including a blast of hairspray that was enough to forgo a cocktail for the evening. Ringing up the cost, Mrs. Skinner handed Rosa the money and a generous tip.

Rosa: “THANK-que!”

Rosa escorted the last customer of the day out the door and immediately locked it. The phone rang and Rosa picked it up like she did all day long: “HAIR TODAY BEAUTY SALON?”

Angie: “Hello? Rosie? This is your mother! What time ya coming home?”

Rosa: “Oh hi ma! Listen, I’m going out tanite, got a date, maybe my dream come true, or maybe yours, Hahahaha!”

“Well don’t bring him home, you know how dat goes down with your old man! He ain’t picken ya up at the door is he? What does he look like? Do you know anything about em”

Rosa: “Well ma, he works for my bosses brother, supposed to be real cute, and I don’t know what the company is so don’t ask.”

Angie: “Well be careful, and remember to not wake you father up when you get home.”

“OK ma, bye.”

Chapter 2

Gino sat on the park bench with time to spare. The car was parked, at the curb right in the front of the entrance. Sitting back he lit a cigarette and watch some little kids on bicycles race in and out of the entrance as the mothers stood talking to each other, getting one last conversation in before they went home for the evening to their husbands.

Wearing a crisp new shirt, clean creased khakis and his hair was matted down with some Brylcreem, Gino’s after shave was attracting some bees, and so an occasional wave of the hand was needed to shoo the bees away.

Looking across the boulevard, people were still leaving their jobs at the end of the day, and one figure caught Gino’s eye almost immediately. He hadn’t seen her in months! The last time he saw her was in his car, as he dropped her off after a heavy necking session, very heavy. It took a lot of doing and convincing, including pledging his undying love. At first she resisted, but hey, who could resist Gino De Porto?

Francine Spiegel was crossing the street and heading toward the bus stop that stood right near where Gino was parked! Hoping not to be seen by her, he looked away and pretended he was focused on something else. “Oh geez, I hope she don’t go coming over here!” he thought.

Racing the last few steps before reaching the curb, her pocket book clutched into her gut with both hands, she reached the curb and looked for the bus that was simultaneously arriving at the curb. The doors swung open and Francine was about to step up into the bus gripping the handle bar when something caught her eye. Scanning the guy on the bench, he looked familiar, when all of a sudden it dawned on her who it was! Frozen with one foot on the first step and the other on the curb, she stared at Gino, a rage starting to build at volcanic proportions. The bus driver stared down at her wondering if she would move, when she suddenly backed up and let go of the metal bar to climb aboard.

“Son of a bitch!” she said loud enough for the driver to hear.

Turning sharply and with determination, she faced Gino, took a deep breath and marched over to the park bench.

Suddenly, Gino had this sense of impending doom!

A cold shudder came over Gino, and he was afraid to look straight ahead for some reason when suddenly, he saw stars, not really stars, more like almost golden spots on a dark grey background. The daylight suddenly shut out, then it faded away to the angry face of Francine Speigel!

“Well Gino, nice of ya to finally show up!” Whack, another swing of her long strapped pocket book placed along the side of his head.

“Whatza matter with cha. Cat got ya tongue Gino?” WHACK”

“Maybe I should help ya to remember, maybe this will help!”  WHACK-WHACK-WHACK, the blows raining down sharply on Gino’s head, his arms up trying to shield himself from Francine’s fury.

Gino: “I’m sorry Francine, really, I TRIED TA CALL YA, but I lost your number!’

Francine: “Don’t go given me dat, ya bum ya, ya couldn’t just come over, no?” WHACK!

Gino bolted to his car, leaping over the hood with one hand bracing himself: opened his car door on the driver’s side, got in and locked it, Francine in hot pursuit. Turning the key, Gino’s Grey Honda Civic wheeling and screeching away into the traffic, leaving a grey cloud of rubber as Francine was raising a poorly aimed kick.

As Gino pulled away, Francine straightened her 2-piece grey business suit, climbed aboard the bus, the driver standing outside the bus, mouth agape, along with a few riders, watching all the action.

Francine shouted at the speedy getaway of Gino: “Let dat be a lesson to ya Gino, never stand ME up ya lousy bum ya. Next time I’ll kick your ass! What is everybody lookin at?” With that she stepped deeper into the bus and everyone followed her in. As it pulled away, another bus pulled into it’s spot, and off stepped Rosa.

Rosa looked around, and went over to the park bench and sat, crossing her legs and lighting a cigarette. Blowing the smoke from her mouth, she scanned the street and the park entrance. Checking that she looked right, she glanced into her small hand held mirror, while looking for the Grey Honda Civic, she shrugged and looked at her watch, hoping she wasn’t late. Each time a guy walked by, she would hope it was or wasn’t her date, then watched him disappear down the street or deep into the park..

After 30 minutes, Rosa looked at her watch again for the tenth time, then slowly rose and went to the bus stand, climbed aboard the next bus and went home, feeling stood up and angry.

As the bus pulled away, a grey Honda Civic slowly pulled up and cruised by the entrance of the park, slowly, the driver peering. Not seeing what he was looking for, he drove off.

Saturday mornings were busy for Francine, as the morning sun peeked up over the building across the street. Francine thought back to the bus stop and Gino, and wondered if she just needed a boost of some kind, a new Francine that would perhaps better her chances of finding the right man. It seemed to her that all the men were the same, just out for one thing with no commitment.

Entering into the kitchen, she started a pot of hot water for her tea and sat at her table, and lit a cigarette. She thought more about Gino and decided she needed a better class of date, not little boys, but men, men with ambition and drive. Getting up she walked back into her bedroom and looked into her full-length mirror on her closet door. Turning sideways she viewed her slightly overweight figure, and then turned to view her back and then her front again. Getting up closer, she looked at her eyes and slowly backed away. She decided she needed a makeover, nothing too drastic, maybe just an adjustment or two, say a high light in her hair, just a touch to add some sophistication, something that said ‘Paris’, and not Brooklyn.

The Hair Today Beauty Salon was busy for a Saturday morning. It usually was, what with weddings and dates and special events. This Saturday promised to be no different, as the flow started from the moment Tina opened the doors.

There were other stylists at the salon, and all had someone occupying their chairs. Some were in at an appointment but some managed to walk in and get in line. There were ladies busy under the dryers already and some ladies were chatting with the stylists.

Tina and Rosie hadn’t had a chance to talk about the events of the previous evening, and Tina was dying to know the details. Since she lived apart from her brother Augie, she had no idea how things went.

The front door suddenly opened and in stepped Francine, dressed in her heels, embroider jeans, large looped earrings and sporting a magenta top with a red rose in the upper left breast area. Her long hair was combed down to her shoulders as usual. Between smacks of gum she inquired how long a wait it would be and was told it would be only a few moments, to please be seated.

Rosa put the finishing spray on her customer and gave her a bill, while receiving a tip, which Rosa pocketed as she thanked her customer. Catching Francine’s eye, she called out: “Next!” and Francine looked around, then got up and sat in Rosa’s chair.

“Weren’t you here yesterday?” inquired Rosa.

“Yes, can you streak a blond layer from here to here?” pointing to just right of center on the top of her head.

“Actually, if you want a suggestion, maybe you want a red streak with your color hair?”

Francine thought about it and said: “Red! Yes, let’s do that, I like it! Weren’t you supposed to go on a blind date last night?”

This caught Tina’s attention at the next chair and she paused to listen.

“Oh, the bum stood me up! Did ya hear dat Tina? The bum never showed! Ya did say it was a blind date, and I never saw him!”

Francine’s mind immediately jumped to her encounter the night before, and related her experience at the bus stop: “Wow! It’s funny, last night I happened to be going home when the bus comes, I’m about to get on and I see this bum that stood me up. I went over to him and gave him a piece of my mind. He got so friggin flustered he jumped in his car and took off like a bat outta hell! Lucky for him I didn’t have a no gun!”

Tina: YA GOT STOOD UP! WADDA YA MEAN, STOODUP, HE DIDN’T SHOW?”

Rosie: “No Tina, I waited for a whole half hour, too.”

Tina: “Wait til my brudder hears dis, I’m telling ya!”

Francine: “You shouldn’t let him get away with dis, I’d get even.”

Rosie: “How?”

Francine: “I’ll ya what, ya know that coffee shop on the corner? Meet me deer at noon, and we’ll figure it out. Can ya get away for a short while?”

Tina: “Yeah, she can get away, I’ll have someone cover for ya, Rosie.”

RIGHT ON AUTO BODY opened a little earlier on a Saturday then a weekday, because it closed at 2:00 p.m.  Augie was busy taking the lug nuts off a car on a lift when he noticed Gino enter the garage through the opened sliding garage door. Pausing with the impact wrench in mid-air, he called Gino over.

So? How’d it go last night Gino?

“Ah, not too good Augie, I kinda got tied up with someone, and completely missed my date! Ya sista ain’t gonna be mad at me, is she?”

“What happened?”

“Ah, some dame I once dated went all ballistic when she saw me sittin in the park waitin. I had to get outta dere before the cops came. Man dat was embarrasen! I went back once I got away from her, but no one was waitin for me. She got a couple good shots in, and I ain’t hitten no dame, so I do what a gentleman gotta do, I get my ass outta dere!””

“Oh shit, my sista’s gonna be pissed! Whatz wit dis dame, whaddid ya do?”

“We went out ona date, and I never called her back for anudder date, she saw me on the park bench, came over and started swingin her purse at me! You don’t know her Augie, I never mentioned her before.”

“WHOO HOOO! Gino got his ass kicked by a girl!”

“Come on man, I don’t want nobody getting the wrong idea here!”

“AHA! Gino got whupped! By-a-girl-no-less! Hey Gino, ya wanna go powder ya nose or sumptin?”

DINO’s DINNER was only half full for the lunch hour. Usually on a business day the place started packing in around 11:45 a.m., with construction workers and office workers. At the counter sat two policemen eating a late breakfast and down the counter sat a lone gentleman with a cup of coffee and flipping through the NY Daily News, an occasional word being shared with the owner Dino Kerros.

Dino was relating how when he came to this country from Greece, he knew ‘nobody’ and still didn’t, but he DID have a lot of friends!

Rosa and Tina sat in a booth and waited for Francine to arrive.

Cheryl, the little blond waitress came over, pencil poised over her order book and asked: “What can I getcha girls?”

We’re waitin for someone, but I’ll have a cup of decafe.

Rosie: “Make dat two.”

Cheryl walked away and Rosie started the conversation.

“So like I wuz sayin, the bum stood me up! Maybe he saw me and didn’t like what he saw!”

“Well when I get my hands on my brudder for settin you up like dat with a creep…”

“No Tina, don’t do dat, the bum might lose his job, I don’t want dat to happen!”

“Well, suit yaself, Rosie, but dat guy ain’t getting away witit!”

Just then Francine entered and spotted the two women at the booth and immediately slid in next to Rosa.

“Sorry I’m late girls, but my boss got me the last minute as I was going out the door, and takes forever to say something, ya know, lawyers an all.”

Tina put down her coffee cup and spoke:

“So Fran, did ya come up wit a devious plan? For our lover boy?”

“Francine shifted her long black hair with its newly streaked red highlites and layer with a shake of her head, a smile forming at her lips.”

“Actually I did. We had a client back a few months ago, owned a bar slash restaurant, it was a special bar slash restaurant, if you know what I mean.”

Rosa turned her head slightly in the direction of Tina, who blurted out; “You mean gay bar?”

“Exactly, it is a place on the east side of Manhattan called Mr. & Ms. From what I hear it is where you go to get picked up, if ya know what I mean.”

Rosa: “OOOH! I’m liken dis already!”

Francine:  “Good! Now here’s what we’re gonna do.”

Chapter 3

Tina called her brother Augie that night.

“Hullo, Augie, its Tina!”

“Eh, Tina! You ain’t gonna run off at the mouth are ya?”

“Noooo Augie, IF you tell me his name, I won’t.”

“Well why ya need his name for?”

“Well Augie, we thought a little surprise for Mr. No-Show wuz in order. You know, a little thank you for being so considerate. Ya getting my drift Augie?”

“Well yea but, I don’t know, he is a good guy, had a good reason, but… ah, what the hell, his name is Gino.”

“Gino WHAT, Augie, I need to mail him sumptin.”

“What, a letter-bomb?” with that, Augie laughed out loud to himself.

“No Augie, just a little invitation, so Ya gotta help us out here.”

“Oh! OK, his name is Gino DePorto.” He lives not too far where your shop is. Give a minute and I’ll get his address for ya, you want his phone number too?”

“It wouldn’t hurt Augie, yes I would. …wait a minute, did you say DePorto???”

“Yea, got a pencil?”

“Augie are you sure?”

“Sure I’m sure, why watz da matter?”

“Well for starters, my friend’s last name is De Porto, Rosie De Porto!”

“Ya mean the dame he stood up, uh failed to meet?

“You were right the first time Augie.”

“Hey, maybe he’s related to her and did see her and realized what was going on?”

“Is dat what he told you?”

“No.”

“His address Augie.”

“OK”

Augie hung up the phone and sat in his chair, holding his sides, from laughing.

“Oh man, poor Gino, and I’m not telling him nuthin!”

His wife looked at him like he was crazy, which he was.

Rosa was beside herself as she turned off her cell phone. Just the embarrassment of knowing someone else knew just added to her confusion and humiliation. Her own brother! She almost dated her own brother! And, the rat stood her up!

She thought about the revenge she would get when he came home, then thought about the plan, and decided to keep quiet and let things go as they were. Feeling uncomfortable about it all, she needed to talk to someone, and Mom or Pop were not the options she wanted. She decided to talk to a priest: maybe he could make her feel better.

There was the pastor of Notre Dame des Fleurs: Father Laci, a kindly old gentleman who seemed to have a calming influence on her that she felt she could be comfortable talking to. With an Irish brogue, and a sing-song cadence, he often gave almost magical sermons on Sundays, his eyes sparkling with emphasis when he made a point. Rosa made up her mind: she would call the good Father and see if he would see her on short notice.

Sunday afternoon around 2:00 pm, Father Laci would sit in his office with a cup of tea and relax. After a morning of Masses, then the obligatory Rosary Altar Society or Holy Name breakfast, this would be his chance to relax before an early dinner.

There was a knock on the door and Fr. Laci answered:

“Yes, come in.”

Mrs. McCormick, the rectory housekeeper and cook for weekends stepped in and announced that there was a young lady who wished to speak with him.

“Oh yes, Miss DePorto, please show her in. Kate.”

Rosa entered reverently: a silk handkerchief pinned to the top of her head, and in a subdued voice thanked Fr. Laci for seeing her.

“Please sit down Miss DePorto, you sounded very alarmed on the phone, how can I help you?” said Fr. Laci, pointing to the chair across from his desk. The office was rather somber looking, with a statue of the Virgin Mary on a pedestal, and on a shelf in the corner of the room was one of St. Anthony of Padua. A large wooden crucifix hung on a side-wall, and his book shelves were filled with the lives of saints, stories about devotion and a large thick book about John Paul VI.

Interlacing his fingers, his elbows resting on his desk, he leaned his large ample person forward and stared into Miss DePorto’s eyes, waiting for her to speak.

“Well Father, I don’t know how to begin…”

“How about at the beginning?” Father Laci smiled.

“Well, I have this friend Tina, who has a brother, Tina is my boss, we worked at a beauty salon, anyway, Tina has this brother who also owns a business…”

“A very enterprising family!” Fr. Laci interjected with a continued smile.

“Eee-Yes! Anyway, her brother Augie, dat’s his name, Augie, Augie said he had dis guy dat worked for him, and wondered if Tina could find him a date! Tina thought of me and set it up.” Rosie paused and looked at Fr. Laci.

“And?” Fr. Laci encouraged her to go on.

“Well, they set up dis blind date between Augie’s friend and me. We were supposed to meet at the entrance of the park Friday night, but he didn’t show!”

Fr. Laci leaned back in his swivel red leather chair and clasped his hands across his ample belly. “Yes?”

“Turns out father, this guy I was supposed to date is my brother, Gino!”

“Hmmm and you are telling me this because…?”

“Well Father, it was my brother! Ain’t dat incest?”

“Incest?”

“Yes Father, incest! After all, I got all excited about meetin him, you know, ya have these thoughts, then: I realized, they were about my brother!”

Father Laci stood and leaned across his desk.

“My dear, you have done nothing wrong other than have a lustful imagination, pray to Our Lady of the Flowers and say three Hail Mary’s and one Our Father, and know God will forgive you as I do. Now go home and enjoy the rest of your day.”

Marching home, Rosa went directly to her room, closed her door for privacy and planned her next move.

Rosa sat at the edge of her bed, her cell phone in hand and spoke: Okay Tina, I’m fully ready to clip Gino’s wings!

Frank as was his habit, was still dressed in his pajamas and robe, and with his slippers on went out to the mailbox Wednesday morning and retrieved the mail. The mailbox was attached to the wall next to the front door and blindly reaching in noticed his neighbor Karen, a young nurse who worked a late afternoon shift. Karen had left her husband when she found him with another woman. The woman was in Karen’s bed, with Karen’s husband, and to add insult to injury: was holding a bottle of Karen’s favorite sherry, one she saved for special celebrations.

Frank spent a good deal of time fantasizing, how she would invite him in for coffee and be overwhelmed by her lust for him. Of course he would not try to resist, the woman would be needy as he saw it. There were other fantasies, almost as dreamlike, and his imagination was playing them all at one time.

Angie was a little weary of Karen, a courteous ‘Hello’ and nothing more, after all she was young, blond and a great shape, and Angie was not prepared to deal with it.

“FRANK! WHAT’S TAKING SO LONG, TO BRING IN THE MAIL?”

Frank snapped out of his fantasy, annoyed by the interruption and dropped the mail on the table when he noticed a small square envelope with a woman’s handwriting addressed to Mr. Gino De Porto. Picking it up, he could smell the faint scent of flowers. The pinkish white envelope with no return address seemed curious enough to make Frank very happy. There WAS a woman in Gino’s life! He thought.

“Ang! ANG!”

Calling from upstairs: “What is it Frank? It’s too early for lunch, go read the paper or something, I’m busy!”

“NO ANG, THERE’S A LETTER HERE FOR GINOOOOOOO!

Flying down the stairs she enters the room taking off a pair of yellow rubber gloves.

“WHAT IS IT FRANK?” Angie asked annoyed.

Handing his wife the letter: “Here, look! Your son has a girlfriend! He’s getting married, he’s moving out! Quick, get the anisette!”

“Oh stop it Frank, we don’t k now that, it’s probably just from a friend and is innocent, or maybe has nothing to do with getting married!”

Frank sits in his chair and lifts his newspaper, “Sure, just like you to ruin my dreams, go ahead, smash them against a rock like you do all my dreams.”

“Shut up Frank and put on the tea kettle.”

“The tea kettle, what for, we don’t drink tea!”

“Well get a taste for it and fill the pot all the way to the top!”

Francine and Rosa had taken their time in composing the letter. It was short and sweet and to the point, with an enticing touch. The news of Gino De Porto being the weasel only inspired Francine, and the thought that Rosa could lay such a kick to her older brother only made the two women determined to find the perfect sting.

“Believe me honey, when your brudder reads dis, he’s gonna want to take sometin’ to calm him down.”

“Fran, you are a genius!” Rosa could not help but be excited, the plan was perfect, it would teach big brother never to be a jerk again. Having Tina swear on a stack of Bible’s to not tell her brother Augie what was afoot, the ladies had what they felt was the perfect plan. Francine had friends, some of whom were questionable in moral judgment, but handy, and this was the time to use one of them.

With an ever-slight hint of ‘Youth Dew’ cologne, Francine gave the letter the finishing touch it needed. In a woman’s handwriting, addressed to Gino, with a small cache’ of flowers and hearts drawn in red ink on the flap, it seemed high-school like, the perfect adornment for someone like Gino’s small mind, Rosa thought!

Gino sat in the office of the RIGHT ON AUTO BODY eating his McDonald’s, taking sips of cola and dipping the fries into the little ketchup he squeezed onto a wrapper. His mind kept drifting to the Friday night disaster and wishing he had managed to not run away from Francine. He envisioned a beauty, someone who he would sweep off her feet and be his love slave forever.

There were no second chances when it came to love for Gino, in spite of his deep brown eyes and black curly hair, his muscular build. He could not understand how he had such lousy luck in the love game. It seemed he could get a girl easy enough, but something would always happen and he would screw up. He thought maybe he should confide with Augie. Augie was after all a businessman, he would know how to fix things, then: he felt embarrassment that he would admit to such a failing. Tossing his remnants of lunch in the waste paper basket, despair began to cloud Gino’s mood, and a sense of restlessness was taking over.

Chapter 4

The tea pot steamed to a high piercing pitch and Rosie immediately took the letter addressed to her son out of her apron pocket and held it over the shooting vapors. After a while she began to open the flap in a flawless manor. Carefully removing the flap without tearing it, she triumphantly removed the folded letter and read it. In it’s flowery handwritten way she read the words to Frank, who was watching the whole operation.

“Dear Gino,

It’s hard to describe how wild I am about you. You have never met me except I saw you at your garage working. I couldn’t help but get breathless by your ruggedness, yet sense of cute vulnerability! I thought there is a guy for me! XXX!

I don’t like to brag, but am considered very pretty and some might say sexy, if you know what I mean.

If you are interested, I could make it worth your while. Why don’t you meet me for drinks on Friday night at Mr & Ms on East 23rd Street, say at 7:00 P.M.? Maybe we can get better acquainted then.

XXX
Misty

PS, I’ll be wearing a pink silk scarf.

Angie chuckled and carefully folded the letter and returned it to the envelope and resealed it, leaving it on the kitchen table with the other mail.

“Frank, keep your mouth shut, don’t you say nutten to give it away, ya hear?

Frank sat in his chair, a huge smile overcoming his face, leaning back the newspaper hiding his glee.

“YA HEAR ME FRANK?”

“Yea, I hear ya.”

Gino came home that night, dead tired. He had been out on the road all day, dragging cars onto the flat bed, and he just wanted to sit and watch the TV.

Frank watched Gino climb the stairs to his bedroom as he never stopped at the kitchen table to collect his ‘letter’. This would not do for Frank.

“Eh! Gino, there’s sum mail here for ya.”

“I’ll get it later.”

“Ya might want to come down now and read it, it looks important!”

“Ah shit, more jury duty?”

“Nah, don’t look like no jury duty, but it looks important Gino.”

“I’ll get it later Pop, not now.’

Frank went into the kitchen and picked up the letter for Gino and carried it up the stairs to Gino’s room.”

“EH, muscle head, here’s da mail, don’t say thank kew.”

The letter glided from Frank’s hand spinning its way to Gino’s chest, where he lay with his arms behind his head resting on a pillow.

With one hand, Gino reached for the letter and smelled it.

Friday morning found Gino at the garage, working feverishly, trying to keep his mind off of his big mystery date that evening. Whistling loudly, Gino could find no wrong in the world. The night before he had taken his car into a carwash and tipped the boys big. He had told Augie he was leaving at 5:00 P.M. sharp, no matter what, HE had things to do that evening. Augie knew what was up by this time, since Tina was filling him in on the master plan, and Augie would have given Gino the whole day off with pay for what lay in store for Gino!

“EH! Gino! Big weekend planned?”

“Ah, you know Augie, the usual stuff, have a few beers hang loose, you know?”

“Oh sure I know Gino. Yeah, a few beers an hangin loose, sounds like the plan!”

“Ahhh! Don’t go bustin my chops now Augie, I got a date, a blind date!”

“Oh, she has to be!”

“C’mon Augie, I’ tell ya what, I got dis letter in the mail the other day, says she’s seen me here at work! Don’t got a friggin clue what she looks like, but I’m gonna bet she’s hot!”

Suppressing a grin, Augie said:

“Yeah AGino, you do dat!”

Gino left the garage promptly at 5:00 P.M., and headed home. The short walk was made even shorter by Gino’s pace. There was a quickstep and lilt in his walk, almost a dance if you will. Racing into the house by Angie and Frank, he ran to the shower and immediately striped down and stepped into the steaming hot water. The feel of the vapors of steam and the hard pounding of the water drops from the showerhead only made him more excited, as the days work washed away.

Stepping into his bedroom, he immediately selected his clothes and dressed, taking care to use under arm deodorant and some Old Spice, the Brylcreem applied lavishly to hold his hair in place.

Racing down the stairs two at a time, Gino stopped in front of the mirror by the front door, looked at his watch and yelled: “See ya, don’t wait up!” and was out the door and into his car.

Gino could feel a surge of energy, a sense of ‘cool’ he was definitely hot, SHE was lucky, whoever she was, or what ever she looked like. His mind raced back and forth from what she might be like to what he should say, as he approached the BQE to make his approach into Manhattan. Finding a garage that was open he parked for a few hours time and headed off to the bar, finding it just where Augie said it would be. The place was crowded, mostly a jumble of people milling around the bar and sitting at tables and booths.

Slowly he moved through the noisy crowd, eyeing for any lady with a scarp, when suddenly he noticed at the end of the bar stood a brunette, with a tight red dress that seemed to squeeze rather than cover and a large pink and white flowered scarf. He thought: “ Hey! Not bad! That must be her!” Edging toward the end of the bar he stood next to her and said: “Misty?”

“Gino?”

Misty extended her hand and Gino took it, and looked at how large it seemed for a woman’s hand! She was beautiful, that was for sure, her long brunette hair falling to her shoulders, she had deep brown eyes that seemed to be searching his, and if it weren’t for the hands, not bad, not bad at all, so Gino thought.

“Can I buy ya a drink?” Gino asked.

“Merlot”

“Merlot it is.”

Catching the bartender’s eye, Gino ordered a Merlot and a Bud.

“So how’d ja find me and know all about me?” he asked.

“Oh, I asked around, when I saw you in the shop, discreetly of course.”

“I betcha asxed Augie, huh.”

“Maybe”

Gino liked her coyness: it added a little mystery.

“How’d ya get the name Misty, I mean I like it an all, nice name. Is it short for sumptin?”

“Mystique. That’s my name: they call me Misty for short. You really like it?”

Just then the bar tender placed a beer and to Gino’s surprise a glass of wine in front of them.

“Why don’t we find a table?” suggested Gino, looking around and spotting one in the corner.

“Man, she got it all” he thought to himself, holding the drinks and leading the way, if he could only get past her hands. Maybe it ‘s the light in the place he figured, but they seemed kind of fat for a lady he mused.

As they sat, Gino looked around and noticed that something was a little off kilter. It seemed that all the guys were standing together and all the ladies seemed to be standing together, no real couples. In fact Gino thought he was getting the eye from one of the guys standing by the bar before. Then he noticed that one couple, two guys that is: were standing at the bar, and one was rubbing the other guy’s back, making Gino uncomfortable. Then across the room, two ladies were in a lip lock!

“You come here often?” Gino inquired, a worried look on his face?

“That’s the last line I thought you’d use tonight, Gino!”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Well, that IS an old pick-up line for strangers. You and me already met! No? You know Gino, there’s a beautiful little beach across the river in Jersey, really charming when the sun is going down, would you like to see it, we can take my car?”

Gino’s eyes lit up and said: “Yea, sure I do, you want to go see it?”

“I thought you’d never ask!”

Gino went to the bar, paid the tab and left a tip and off they headed for the Lincoln Tunnel.

The traffic out of the city was brutal: people escaping the city from work and apartments and people were coming into the metropolis for a night of dinner and theater mostly. Getting through the tunnel and soon onto the Garden State, the silence was broken by Gino.

“So tell me Misty, woodya do for a livin’?”

“Dance, that’s what I do, teach it, organize groups. Say Gino, would you mind if I make a pit stop for a moment?” Without waiting for Gino’s response, Misty pulls over to the shoulder of the road and heads into the woods. Gino perplexed, follows her with his eyes from the passenger side of the car’s front seat. Just barely making out the red dress in the sinking sunlight and the heavy growth of foliage, he watches the motionless back of Misty as it shakes a few times and slowly turns toward the car. Suddenly Gino had an epiphany!

Reaching for the door latch, Gino pushes out the front door, and as fast as he can, races down the highway into the woods, not looking back, not heeding Misty’s plea to stop.

Angie and Rosie DePorto dressed for cousin Patrizia’s bridal shower. Their conversation was an animated one, fill with hand motions and constant chatter.

“So Ma, I can’t believe Patty is getting married before me! With those hips she should be married to a hitch, hahahaha!”

“I hear her husband is loaded, but no prince charming. But as long as he loves her and takes care of her, my brother Joey won’t have to break his kneecaps”

“Oh Ma, I’m sure he loves her or he wouldn’t marry her.”

“Well Rosie, today they don’t care about love, it’s sex and money, that’s all they think about. When I met your father, he held the car door open for me, the front door, and even pulled out my chair in the pizza parlor!”

“Wow! Did he buy?”

“Don’t get so smart, he IS your father. Maybe a little frugal when he spends his money, but still a good man AND your father. Now hurry up, we don’t want to walk in too late and spoil the surprise.”

The apartment on Steinway Street in Astoria Queens was flush with wall-to-wall women: all chatting at once and all seemed to be drinking a glass of white wine with ice cubes. An occasional cackle would rise from one of the heavily perfumed middle-aged mammas while the younger gals sat in a corner by themselves. Patty’s mother and sister Carmela had decorated all afternoon and the little treats sat out on the small folding tables scattered throughout the cramped living room.

Patty’s mother tapped a glass and said:

“Ladies, can I have your attention please? Carmela has arranged for some entertainment tonight: that will be a big surprise for everyone here tonight. I won’t tell you what it is but be on guard, you’ll LOVE it!”

Rosie leaned into Angie’s ear and whispered: “Maybe they will announce the baby.”

Bobo Newkirk was tooling down the turnpike, radio blaring and a steady rhythm and beat, pulsating through the car speakers. Tonight he was making $400 to do a strip dance for a bridal shower, he would cut off the 59^th Street bridge and head to Steinway Avenue to perform and collect his money, a cool $400 for a few minutes work. How cool was that?

Suddenly as his right hand rested on the stick of his fully restored 57 Chevy, something caught his eye in the fading daylight, a hitchhiker, looking slightly frazzled and lost. Pulling into the shoulder, he roles his window down and the figure ran up to his passenger side of the car.

“Yo bro, where you at?”

Gino popped his head into the car and asked if he could give him a lift.

“Yeah, sure man, where you goin?” Bobo asked.

“Brooklyn, man, can you give me a lift close to the city?”

“Hey man, I’m heading to Queens myself, you can catch a subway from there?”

Gino slid in and said: “Cool man, thanks!”

As Bobo exited the bridge on the Queens side, the talk was mostly about his policeman’s costume. Gino was surprised that he wasn’t a cop, but a stripper. The conversation centered around Bobo’s contact with women and the money he makes dancing. Gino wished out loud he could do that too.

Suddenly, Bobo became ill, a greenish tinge cast to his face told Gino Bobo wasn’t feeling so hot.

“Hey man, I’m not doing so good, my stomach feels like it wants to sit in my mouth. Oh man!”

“Wwwhhaat’s wrong, man?” Gino asked, as the car slowly rolled to a stop.

Quickly Bobo opens his door and leans out the car.

“Oh man Bobo, you are wasted!”

“Man, you gotta do me a favor, I need that money, can you cover for me?”

“Huh?”

“Can you cover for me?”

“Cover for you! You mean dance, strip?”

“Yeah.”

“IN FRONT OF PEOPLE?”

Bobo leans out the door again and heaves once again-“Yeah.”

“Noooooo, I can’t do that stuff!”

“Sure you can, I’ll split it evenly with you, I’ll give you 100 bucks! C’mon man, ya gotta help me out. Just get into these clothes and when you get there, everything will take care of itself.”

Gino took the wheel and drove the rest of the way. Parking was no simple matter on Steinway and he had to walk a few blocks. He rehearsed what he was supposed to say and do, carrying a boom box set to play. Finding the address, Gino raps on the door as he was instructed by Bobo and announces it’s the police. The party was by now well into the evening, the future bride sitting and chatting, surrounded by empty boxes and balloons, wine glasses half filled or nearly empty, some of them lipstick stained on the edges. The ladies suddenly went quiet as Gino asked loudly: “Patrizia Comodente, you are under arrest! Slapping handcuffs on her he then begins to spread his legs, gyrate and with one movement, takes off his uniform, revealing his shorts and black socks.

Suddenly Angie looks at Rosie, who is looking at Gino, her mouth agape.

“OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL!!!”

Rosie takes out her glasses and looks realizing it is Gino standing almost naked in front of friends and family and screams:

“SONOFABITCH!!! WHAT THE HELL???”

Gino suddenly realizes he is in the middle of a family reunion, featuring Angie and Rosie, as Angie slowly rises from her seat and heads toward Gino, as the last thing Gino sees is stars, not unlike the ones he saw at the park entrance one evening.

Chapter 5

Slowly Gino opened his eyes, the light seemingly mixing with the blurriness of the faces gathered around him looking downward at him with a dumbfounded curiosity and surprise. The first face he recognizes was Angie’s, her arms folded and the look of anger etched deeply around her eyes and mouth.

“You sonnufvabitch you! What the hell are you doing???” Whack, down comes Angie’s purse, whack-whack-whack. “You pervert, PERVERT, what did I raise!?” Whack-whack-whack: once again the purse making contact with Gino’s arms and head. Gino was getting use this it by now and it seemed to go with the recent stars he was seeing,

“Ooouuu, Ma, I can explain, ya see I…” whack once more the purse came raining down on Gino’s head, when suddenly the front door swung open and all heads looked up at once. There standing in the entrance way is Bobo, dressed in Gino’s clothes:

“Yo dude, you in here?”

“And WHO the hell are you?” Angie angrily asks.

“Ma, meet Bobo, Bo: Ma”

Whack-“Shut up you imbecile, I’ll get to you later!” Angie intones. Rising from the circle around Gino, Angie Tucks her purse under her arm and goes up to Bobo.

“What the hell did you do to my Gino? You turned him into a pervert!”

“Lady, I don’t know nothing about nothing, I just came for my money.”

“Oh my God! I hired my COUSIN to strip! But who the hell is this guy?” yells Carmela pointing to Bobo.

“I’m the guy you hired, I’m Bobo.”

“If you’re Bobo, what the hell is HE doing here in your costume?”

The sorting did not take long, once the whacks on Gino’s head ceased, and Carmela calmed down. Bobo was given his money and striped down right in front of the ladies, then donned his costume once more, becoming a man of the law.

The ride home to Brooklyn in the back of Rosa’s car was more than Gino could stand. Angie would repeat one or more of the embarrassing moments and let loose with another pocket book contact to Gino’s head, until Gino found the sense to move over to the other side of the back seat so Angie couldn’t reach his head.

Frank sat in his easy chair, watching a rerun of Gunsmoke on the TV. The sun was setting and he decided to get up and go to the wall switch near the front door and open the light for the reading lamp. As was his habit, he pushed the curtain aside in the front bay window and looked out, There sitting in front of his house was a pedicab.

“What the hell is dat ding doin dere Angie?” he yelled out loud.

“Don’t ask Frank and mind your own business!” responded Angie.

As Frank stared, climbing into the pedicab was Francine and Rosa, with a horse whip, while Gino held the long bars to pull the two ladies, sitting under the big pink umbrella that covered them, and a hand painted sign that read: “I WILL NEVER STAND UP MY DATES AGAIN!”

Rosa reached back and snapped the whip on Gino’s butt and yelled: “Giddyap!”

 THE END